I've tried to be really positive about my injury. And yes, I'm actually calling it an injury. I haven't even wanted to do that for reasons I'll discuss later. But when Saturday came and it was officially two weeks since I had ran, and it still hurt, any progress that I had made was gone from my mind. And I just focussed on the pain that remained there. I had a really bad attitude. I didn't want to go to the pool. I didn't want to wait until the day was half over to get my exercising done. (Our pool doesn't open until one on Saturdays. Don't even get me started on that one!) It was raining and I didn't feel like riding my bike in the rain even though I really could have. It was warmish. I really just wanted to run. I talked with my workout buddy, Heather and she thought she might go on a walk and maybe even a short run. I really wanted to do the same but knew that I'd regret it later. So I sulked. It stopped raining and my husband said he'd ride his bike with me. So we did a 7 mile loop and though I had planned to go back out, I was done. I sulked some more. There were even a few tears.
I texted with a good friend (you know who you are) and had her talk me out of running on my hurt foot. I promised her and myself that I would not run until I have no pain plus one day. Then I went and saw a movie with my daughter that changed my whole day. And there were more tears. Soul Surfer is a true story about a 16 year old girl who lives in Hawaii. She was born to surf. It was her whole life. She had a fantastic future ahead of her. And then there was a shark attack that took her arm. Her recovery and what she continued to do with her life after the attack is simply inspiring. There's one part in the movie where her religious leader is teaching the youth through an object lesson. She shows them pictures of things magnified and has them try to identify them. She then points out that it's hard to see things clearly when you're too close. Sometimes you need a new perspective. And that's what I came away out of that movie theater with. Some perspective. And it came during my 26 mile bike ride that I did as soon as I got home.
The whole thing that started my freak out session was seeing a countdown until the Ogden Marathon. It said 35 days. If you take into account a good taper period, there's only a few weeks of real training left. And though I've had some really great training runs, I don't feel ready. And I really don't want to run through pain and cause further damage. I've done that before and hope that I've learned my lesson. The thought of NOT running that marathon is devastating to me. For so many reasons. But it all boils down to pride. I have something to prove, if to no one but myself, and not being able to do it seems like a failure, yet again.
But with my new perspective and the big picture, it's not all about the marathon. Simple running is what I love. Yes, I love the challenge of the marathon. I love seeing improvement in myself and my abilities. And I love the life lessons I learn each time I run a marathon. But it's not the only thing I love about running. In fact it's just a tiny portion of why I run. And I get caught up in the little things and they can ruin it for the big picture. I love having my body be in motion. I love the feel of movement against something. It feels like progress. Whether it's the treadmill or a hill or my favorite dirt road. Movement frees my mind and allows me to think clearly. Sometimes it's about nothing at all, which I love. I love that no one is asking me to do something for them. There's no, "mom! I need..." While I LOVE being a mom, I also love my time when I'm out in nature, free for an hour from responsibility. Free to be myself. I love running with friends and letting the miles erase worries of the day. It's therapy. I love running by myself. I feel like an athlete when I run and I've never considered myself an athlete at any other time in my life. And running barefoot has only enhanced that love. I love feeling what's beneath my feet. It's pure joy.
For now, my foot feels better than it ever has. This weekend was a turning point. I'll still be good and wait until there's no pain plus a day. But there is some hope there. If this injury ends up ruining my marathon plans for this year...I will be disappointed. I won't lie. But it won't be the end of the world. I will have time to run in the future. I have years and years. And I'm going to follow my heart and see where it leads.
Push up challenge week 2!Monday: full body weights, 65 minutes pool running
Wednesday: 16 mile bike ride outside with trailer, full body weights
Thursday: 60 min spin class
Friday: upper body weights, abs
Saturday: 35 mile bike ride