"A life without problems, limitations, or challenges; life without opposition in all things, as Lehi phrased it, would paradoxically, but in very fact, be less rewarding and less ennobling than one which confronts, even frequently confronts difficulty, disappointment and sorrow."
-Jeffrey R. Holland
Back when my youngest went to kindergarten this fall, I worried about being alone or wasting time while he was gone. One of my goals to rectify that situation was to try to memorize a quote or scripture a week. While it hasn't ended up being exactly one a week, those that I have committed to memory have been implanted in my heart. And the great thing about having them there in my mind and heart is that when I least expect it but when I need them the most, they are there when I need them. And this quote came to my mind in just one of those moments.
Giving up this goal of mine and coming to grips with a stress fracture is not easy. Not only is it frustrating to put so much time and effort into a goal that's not realized, my mind can't help go to the place that says that I'm not cut out to run. Feeling sorry for myself is not something I like to do nor is it something that is fun to live with, so after having a little cry to a best friend and then a little cry to my husband in bed after a day of putting a smile on my face, I decided to make the best of it. I had a funny little chat with myself about a post that I wrote a while ago where I said how I was looking for the lows in running instead of the highs to learn and to grow. I told myself that this was a definite low and in a weird way I had found what I was looking for. The next day I got this comment from Mike. It said what I was thinking more eloquently. "This is one of those moments where all we can do is embrace the suck. Several posts ago you spoke of searching for the lows -not the highs- in running for this is where we find the truths about ourselves. I absolutely love this concept and the frame of mind that understands and accepts this as wisdom. This is a low for you. Embrace it for, in a weird sort of a way, it'll make you tougher than you already are, and you are one tough girl. It's a good day to be alive, but it sucks, eh? And that's ok."
So I'm embracing the suck once again in a different way than I had planned. I am truly lucky. I am not in a boot. No crutches. Just no running for 6 weeks. I can still bike, walk, do yoga, even hike if I'm careful. I could even swim if I was desperate enough. My husband bought me a really nice bike trainer for Christmas to use during the winter. It was a perfect gift, even before I knew about my little setback. It's set up in front of the TV. Now I just need something good to watch. (Suggestions please...) I got to ride it 3 times last week and then went for a hike on Saturday. It was a great week even without running.
And yesterday my husband and I hiked to the top of the mountain behind our house. It was hard and good. A great way to start the new year.
And though it was really windy, I was even able to do a little yoga on top of the mountain. Doesn't that just seem like something you should do when feeling like you're on top of the world?
It was awesome and I'm embracing this time to recover and come back stronger than before.
That 37 mile run is still going to happen. And that song still rings in my mind..." lock me up, that's what you'll have to do if you're gonna stop me from getting where I'm going to. Or try to keep the sun from coming up or the tide from rolling in now that I know what I'm capable of. Cause every time I wanted to stop I kept running and every time I hit a wall I climbed. I'm breaking the bands of my self limitations going go into line... going past the point, beyond the mark further than I ever thought I could, out of the dark into the light just like He always knew I could. And when heaven tells me I can I believe it."