Decision Time

Maybe this is a bad time to do this, since the cold isn't completely gone, but I think I've decided not to run the Top of Utah Marathon this fall.  It's been in the back of my mind that I would do it since I didn't get into St. George and to keep me running through the summer.  But I don't want to run another marathon and just survive it.  I want to feel accomplished at the end and feel like I've trained well and done my best.  Right now, I don't feel like I could follow a training program in this heat.  Call me a wimp but I just can't do it.  I would like to do a couple of half marathons but mentally I'm just not ready for a full yet.  Truth is, I'm scared.  I'm not really a competitive person.  I typically don't run races any faster than I run the distance in training.  I don't get that adrenaline rush that pushes most people.  But I don't like to fail either.  The last two marathons seemed like failures and I'm afraid of another experience like that again.  There's a part of me that says to do another one this year to get over the fear, you know the old get back on the horse thinking.  But the smart part of my brain says that I'm not trained properly so don't set yourself up for it.  I run because I love it.  But lately, I'm running because I've told myself that I'm dedicated to being consistent and not quitting but definitely not for the love.  I don't like that.  So, I've left my watch home for the past two runs.  I didn't want to focus on my time or pace or even distance.  I just wanted to run for the fun of it.  Then I came home and figured out how far I ran.  (So I must care slightly about how far I'm going!)  I ran 4 miles on Wed and ended with riding Ritz.  It was pretty cool because they were out in the pasture and I wasn't sure I could catch her to bridle her.  But she came right over to me and followed me over to the gate.  I was pretty excited that she knows me.  I lifted on Wed too and I'm still pretty sore all over my upper body from that.  I know I need to get back to training my lower half better.  I'm really not getting sore from riding the horses bareback anymore.  I guess I need to go longer.  I went last night too and rode the "baby" horse Sassy.  She was trained last year and as soon as she got back she ripped up her leg and had a long recovery.  She hasn't been ridden only a few times so getting on her was a brave move on my part.  She spooks pretty easily and was scared of her own shadow!  But I rode her bareback for over a half hour and she got better each time around.  I will say that she put on a rodeo show when I first got on her and rared and  bucked!  Good thing Janzen was right there with me.  I held on o.k. but it was pretty scary!  I rode Bianca bareback last night too as it was getting dark so it was pretty short, but she the fastest of the horses and the wildest!  They're so fun and riding is getting to be as big of a release for me as running is.  Monday night I was just so irritated with everything and all I could think about was going for a ride.  After we did, I was good. 

I went for a run today knowing it would be the long one of the week since tomorrow is crazy.   It ended up being 9 miles.  I would have like to have made it a little farther, but oh well.  I'm going to try to keep doing my longs runs so that I won't lose my endurance and to be ready for a 1/2.  Maybe that will help my body get accustomed to running those longer distances and help me be better prepared for next year.  I'm also going to try to incorporate more cross training and just keep moving forward.  That is what we do while running after all, just one more step forward.